The Night Things Changed
by haunted-by-my-thoughts
Summary: Severus wakes to a rapping on his window and finds a battered Lily outside. She has a secret she's been keeping a bit too long and he's the only one she could go to. AU. SS/LE Snily. This is my first fan fic, please review.
1. Lily Arrives in the Night

Severus awoke to a rapping at his window. Swiftly he strode to the window, wondering who felt the need to disturb his slumber. What he saw there left him breathless.

Beautiful as ever, there stood Lily Potter. The girl he was sure he had lost years ago.

But as his eyes ajusted to the moonlight, he was filled with fury. Lily was bleeding and covered in bruises. Her right eye was swollen shut. Lifting his window, he crawled out through the opening and took her in his arms. She was racking with sobs and he could feel her quickly beating heart.

"Who did this to you?" Severus growled, his rage growing.

"It doesn't matter Russy," she whimpered through her tears. But to Severus it mattered. More than anything in the world.

"Lil, please. Tell me and I'll return the favor to them quite thoroughly," he was very near begging.

"I can't, it'll only make things worse," she tried to break free from his arms.

"At least come inside, Lil. I'll get you something to drink, try to fix you up," Severus couldn't stand to see her like this. He had to do something to help. She nodded and he took her hand, pulling her toward the house. He entirely expected her to drop it and walk independently, but she submissed.

Although from the outside his house seemed rather run down, the inside was clean and orderly. Quickly crossing his living room, he had Lily sit in a large plush armchair. He flicked his wand towards the fire place and flames quickly roared from it.

"Sit tight Lil," he whispered.

"Okay Russy," she promised.

Severus made his way into the kitchen with that single word in his ear, _Russy._Why had she started calling him this again? She hadn't since they were children, before their friendship fell apart. Now here she was, saying it twice within a matter of minutes.

He snapped himself back into reality, focusing on the task at hand. Opening his near barren cupboards, he found what he hoped was still Lil's favorite drink and poured it into the cleanest mug he had. Then, from the closet he had enlarged to store his potions and ingredients in, he pulled a vial of veritaserum. Severus put just a drop in the butterbeer he'd give to Lil, but he knew it'd be enough.

After he'd put the vial back in it's place, he gave the butterbeer to Lily. If he didn't right away, he knew he'd back out. As she took her first sip he felt guilt filling him, but he had to know who had done this to her. This was the only way to get her to tell.

Upon giving it to her, she had been surprised. "Oh, Russy, I love butterbeer! I can't believe you remembered that over all these years," she said with as much enthusiam as she could muster.

"Of course I remembered, Lil," he said with a small, forced laugh. _He remembered everything about her._

They sat in silence for a good deal of time, Lily slowing getting farther and farther into her  
drink.

Finally Severus spoke. "Lil?" he said quietly, kneeling by her chair. Even with the veritaserum, he was going to ease into the questioning.

"Mmm what is it?" she asked.

"Can you please tell me who did all this to you?" he was near crying. She was so injured and he could tell, but he was going to let her heal naturally as much as possible at first.

Lily sighed deeply. Lowering her voice to a whisper, although they were alone in Severus' house, she began. "It was James. He has a tendency to get..." she fought for the right choice of words, "frustrated with me. This is the worst it's ever been and I had to escape." She looked Severus squarely in the eyes. "You're the only one I could think of," she confessed. "No one else would understand. Please don't tell anyone, Russy. Please," she was begging now. "I've kept your secret, this entire time. You said you'd repay me someday and now you can consider us even," she said struggling to smile.

Severus found he had somehow slid his hand into hers and was staring at their interlocked fingers. He knew precisely the secret she was talking about, and was somewhat appaled at the similarity to the situation on hand. All those nights of screaming and fighting he had endured as just a child, and she had saved him. Even now, he could remember his mother covered in bruises as Lily was because of his so-called father. More than anything he remembered the night he had confessed this to Lily, having gone to her home after being caught between his parents. He had broken bones and was bleeding quite steadily; no wonder she wouldn't take the simple "I fell down" excuse he gave for all the bruises he had recieved. That was the night he told her everything, as she was doing for him now.

"Lil," he whispered, moving his gaze to her eyes. "Why are you with James if this is how he treats you?" He knew the veritaserum would wear off soon, and he needed an answer for this.

"I don't know Russy," she said. "He's the one I'm supposed to be with, you know that. The rich Gryffindor. But would you like me to let you in on a secret?"

"Of course Lil," he responded almost too quickly.

"I don't believe I've ever loved him."

While she was still under the veritaserum, and not entirely aware of what was happening, which wouldn't be much longer, he had one more thing to say. "I want to let you in on a little secret too, Lil," he confessed. "I love you, much more than James ever has." As these words left his lips, he saw Lily's eyes lose the glossiness they had acquired once the potion had settled in.

A bit doe-eyed, she glanced around trying to get her bearings. "I'm sorry if I zoned out for a bit there, Russy," she said. "I think I was hurt a bit more than I anticipated. Maybe I should try to get some sleep."

Severus agreed and insisted she sleep in his bed, but she refused. "It wouldn't be right, after all I am kind of intruding on you," she pointed out.

This was the exact opposite of how Severus felt, but he knew it was pointless arguing with her. He had missed his friend so much though, and he wanted the best for her. After a bit of effort, he transfigured the armchair she sat in into a large bed. He hoped she would be comfortable here, by the fire. "Are you going to be alright?" he asked her.

"I'll be fine; I always am," she said.

"Okay Lil. If you need_ anything _I am just down the hall," he spoke as he rose.

"Oh, and Russy.." she called after him, "Thanks so much for taking me in. I won't stay much longer, I promise."

"You stay for as long as you need, it's no trouble to me at all. Really, I've missed having someone to talk to," he admitted. With that, he closed the door to his room, his cheeks blushing red for the first time in ages. He still loved her, as he had since they were children, and he imagined he always would.

He lay awake for hours, hoping Lily was sleeping well but being too bashful to go and check, just in case she should wake while he was there. Everything was about to change, he could feel it. Maybe, just maybe, she'd finally leave that git James and see how he felt for her.

As he fantasized about this, a slight tapping came at his bedroom door. Knowing it was her, his face turned red again. He hoped the dark of his room would hide it and he called for her to open the door. When she did, her unswollen eye was very pink and he could tell she'd been crying.

"Oh Lil, I just hate seeing you like this," he sighed. "Really, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Well there's one thing.." she started. "Remember when we were little kids and you first came to live with my family? And the nights one of us would have a nightmare and go to the other for comfort? Well... I'm living a nightmare. Care to try and make me feel better?"

Severus had to use all his restraint to keep from making a fool of himself. After a moment's thought of how best to handle this, he pulled back the covers on the other side of his bed. The side that had never been touched. Gesturing at it, she moved towards him and crawled in. Without a second's hesitation, she rested her head on his chest.

"Russy? I really missed this you know. I missed _us_. I don't think I ever had a chance to say that earlier, but James didn't want me to speak to you. Will you ever forgive me?" She bit her lip and looked up at him. A thin smile formed across Severus' face.

"Of course," he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. This was how they had fallen asleep so often as children, simply talking of anything that worried them, anything they loved, until sleep took them away.

"You know, I really hate being with him Russy," she confided. "I wonder how things would be if I had chosen someone else."

"Like who?" Severus prompted. "After all, he's the Gryffindor dreamboy."

"This is going to sound silly...but sometimes I think how things would be if it had been you instead."

Severus failed at containing the slightest of gasps.

"I'm sorry," she said moving to leave. "I shouldn't have told you that. I'm just tired is all. I don't know what I'm saying."

"It's fine," Severus said, grabbing her closer and trying to hide his utter joy that she had ever thought like this. "Really, I've felt the same way."

"No Russy I shouldn't be doing this," she was near tears again. "I'm married to James... this shouldn't be happening."

"Lil," he whispered. "James is an arse. Look at what he did to you. He doesn't _deserve _you, and I can guarantee you that. Plus, we're friends, right? And he can't control who you're friends with."

"I suppose you're right," she said curling back into him. "I'm planning on leaving him you know."

"I predicted as much," Severus replied. "And I hope that you'll come and stay with me once you do. For as long as you like."

"I was wondering if I could use your owl to write him in the morning," Lily inquired.

"That sounds fine," Severus had pretty much given up containing his happiness. "But really, we should try to get some sleep."

"Alright Russy," she said, with heavy eyelids.

Still Severus did not allow himself to fall asleep until much later. Lily had fallen asleep on his chest, his arm still around her. She was so beautiful, even battered as she was now and he couldn't simply come to terms with the position he was in now. This gorgeous girl with him, the girl he had loved his whole life. And maybe, just maybe, she loved him back. Kissing her forehead, he tore his eyes away from her and finally lay back. Maybe not all Slytherins were evil, he thought, and maybe the golden Gryffindor boy wasn't quite so perfect. He found comfort in these thoughts, and submissively slid into sleep. That night, as he had every night since Lily's wedding, he dreamed of her leaving James and loving him instead. But this time, that dream didn't seem quite so far away.


	2. Severus Makes Breakfast

Severus, having slept soundly throughout the night, woke the next morning to rare rays of sunshine penetrating his grimy windows. While the warmth comforted him, he experienced a moment of panic when he felt a hand placed gently on his stomach. Giving the slightest of jumps, he turned his head to the right and felt a great deal of comfort as his eyes fell upon the head of copper hair curled into him.

All that had happened yesterday came rushing back to him, and he lay fully back into his pillow again, not wanting to stir Lily from her slumber. He positioned himself so he could still see her; even in sleep, she looked like an angel. Her mouth curved slightly to form a half-smile, and although her eyes were closed, the bright green irises he knew so well were at the front of Severus' mind. This moment, to him, was paradise.

If Severus had one wish in that instant, it would've been to remain there as they were, forever frozen in time. He did not know how long he lay there, just breathing in the experience of having spent the night with the Gryffindor beauty, when finally she began to move. Severus craned his neck slightly and kissed the crown of her head. With this, her eyes fluttered open. Their brilliant emerald vibrance was glazed over, perhaps with confusion as to where she was, but only for a moment. She rolled over as to place her chin on Severus' chest and purred.

"Good morning, Russy," she said lazily.

"Mornin', Lil," he smiled. This was how Severus would start every morning, given any choice in the matter. How often had he prayed to live like this? How many times had he cursed James Potter's name? James. That bastard. The man who wouldn't fight without three friends there for backup. The man who had somehow captured Lily's eye. The man who had fractured her to the point of breaking. This was the real James Potter, no matter how pristinely everyone else saw him.

Reluctantly, Severus slid Lily's hand off of him and rolled into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Lily clambered to his side and placed a hand on his knee. That's how they sat for a matter of minutes while Severus gathered his thoughts on the present situation. Eventually he broke the silence.

"Breakfast, Lil?" he asked.

"Sure" she replied with a smile.

Severus took her hand, making note of how well her small hands fit together with his long fingers, and led her to the kitchen. When she was set comfortably in the single chair by his small table Severus set about the task.

He was not accustomed to making breakfast, usually just eating cereal or a bit of his dinner from the night before, but he wanted things to be better for her. Stooping to reach a low drawer, he pulled out a cookbook. Gingerly he flipped through the pages, stopping at random and glancing at the ingredients. Sure he had everything in the house, he faced Lily.

"How do pancakes sound?" he wondered.

"That sounds lovely, Russy," she said, "Remember that's what we had before we went to King's Cross our first year?"

Severus smiled and nodded. Of course he remembered, he remembered everything about his times with Lily.

* * *

That had been a morning after a particularly nasty fight between his mother and Tobias. Tobias didn't like magic, well he didn't like much of anything really, and he certainly didn't like the idea of his son going off to learn about it. He reprimanded Severus about it, and in his fear of being injured more severly than ever before, Severus lost control of a small amount of his powers causing Tobias' hands to become trapped within his pockets.

Tobias shouted even louder because of this, threatening Severus' life. This had been when his mother had stepped in, angry with Tobias for mocking what she and her son could do. Quickly Severus lost his control on Tobias' hands and he lashed out at her. A full fight ensued and Severus ran out of the house, unnoticed by them as they were immersed in their shouting.

As always when he fled the house, he went to Lily's. Her home was his haven away from the cruel reality of his life. The distance between their homes was short, and his feet took him there without his needing to think. Plucking a pebble from their garden, he threw it to Lily's second story window. Lily recognized the sound quickly and came to the window. Seeing the grief on Severus' face, she sprang down her stairway and opened the front door.

She grabbed him into a hug and everything bothering him simply went away. When he was with her, nothing could hurt him. Lily had taken his hand and placed a finger to her lips. Severus took the hint to be quiet and they ascended the stairs to her room. Her parents were well aware of the nights he spent at their house, and understood the need for silence was because they were already asleep. This was a little out of the ordinary; Lily's mum often made them hot chocolate or something of the like, but the next day they were driving to King's Cross after all.

Inside Lily's room, she shut the door and turned on a lamp. She climbed into her bed and lifted the comforter, inviting Severus to sit by her.

"What happened this time, Russy?" she asked, her hand reaching for his. Severus explained and she took it calmly, as she always did, but he could see the worry in her eyes. He didn't feel safe at his home and she knew it. Tonight however, he didn't want to dwell on it anymore.

"Would you like me to tell you more about Hogwarts?" he said, already knowing the answer.

"Definitely!" she enthusiastically replied.

With this he sprang into telling her about the four founders, and that's how they stayed until Lily drifted off to sleep. She always fell asleep first, but that was okay with him. They were best friends, and he loved her.

The next morning, Lily's mum came up to find them hand-in-hand just as they had fallen asleep the night before. She worried for Severus too, and let them sleep a while longer.

When she did wake them up, it was to the smell of pancakes being made in the kitchen right below Lily's room. The two of them staggered down the stairs sleepily and took places at the kitchen table. Lily's dad and Petunia were already seated there. Her father greeted Severus happily while Petunia merely sneered.

From her spot beside him Lily had whispered "I'm nervous, Russy."

Severus had already known this; she had been anxious for the past month over what would await her at Hogwarts, despite all his reassurances that she would make a brilliant witch. "Don't be," he responded automatically.

"But what if we get seperated?" she questioned. This was not a new thought for Severus, and it worried him as well.

"Then we get through it," he decided. "We're best friends, right? Nothing can split us up."

"Okay, Russy," she had said, seeming a bit more relieved. They had eaten quickly, so Severus could scurry back to his house and gather his school trunk before they had to leave.

* * *

Yes, he certainly remembered that particular morning, and he was a bit surprised Lily remembered the small detail of the pancakes they had eaten.

As he left his thought of that morning, he was halfway through making their food and realized the silence filling the kitchen may be a bit uncomfortable for Lily. He flicked his wand to turn on the radio, and the room was filled with Muggle music. He hoped Lily didn't mind, as he actually had a particular fondness for the sound of it, and finished making their pancakes.

When Severus turned back to Lily, a plate of food and a glass of orange juice in hand for her, he was a bit offset. She was gazing out the window into his hedges dreamily. He placed what he had brought before her and moved back to get his own things, conjuring a chair for himself as he went.

The sound of his chair scraping the floor seemed to break Lily from her thoughts, which gave him courage to speak. "What's on your mind, Lil?" he asked gently, hoping it wasn't anything bad as he didn't want to upset her.

"Just can't believe I'm here, really," she confided.

"Are you sure that's all there is?"

"Yeah, Russy. I'm okay." she tried to assure him.

He wasn't quite sure he believed her, but he dropped the subject. "I'm glad you're here, Lil," he said.

She smiled at him over her orange juice. "I'm glad I'm here too."

They ate quietly, Lily still lost in thought and Severus not wanting to bother her. As he cleared their dishes from the table he called over his shoulder, "Do you still want to use my owl?"

"Yes, definitely," she replied. Hesitating for a moment she added, "I may need your help wording what I want...need...to say to James though."

"That's fine," he said, hoping she couldn't see his smirk at the thought of James finally being about to get a little of what was coming to him. "Mind letting Bert out of his cage?" he gestured towards his den and heard her footsteps move from the hardwood kitchen into the carpeted room.

Just as he finished drying his hands, Lily returned with the old barn owl perched on her shoulder. "He's not the friendliest," she started, raising a finger with a fresh bite shining on it.

Severus pulled his wand from his pocket to heal it. "Sorry, I should've warned you," he apologized.

"It's fine, Russy. Really, I've had much worse," she muttered the last part a bit darkly.

"Oh, Lil...," he said, not quite sure how to begin, "You really shouldn't have had to put up with him for so long, but you're safe now. You're here, with me, and I won't let him hurt you again."

"Thanks," she was almost whispering. "Now, to start that letter."

"Alright," Severus said, trying to hide his eagerness to help. "Where would you like to start?" With that prompt, Lily began to tell Severus exactly what was happening to her.


	3. A Letter is Written

"I hate it there, Russy," she started.

"I know, Lil, but if I'm going to help you I need to know exactly what's happening there," Severus said gently.

"Severus..." Lily looked so sad, "James beats me. But I don't know what to do because it's my fault really. I make dinner a little late, or I don't dust the mantle for a day or two, and he gets frustrated. It's all my fault."

"It's not your fault. I can promise you that," Severus said, lifting her chin so she'd meet his eyes. "He has no right to hurt you. So what if you make dinner late? So what if there's a speck of dust? You don't deserve to be treated like that. No one does."

Lily bit her lip and broke their gaze. "But I do deserve it. I screw everything up."

"Don't say that." The stern tone in Severus' voice startled her a bit. Seeing this, he spoke more gently. "He shouldn't be allowed to hurt you, and if you let me, I'll make sure he never does again."

"I don't want you to get dragged into this. I'm in too deep, okay? I can't stand to see you getting involved in this like I am. Just... help me right my letter; that's all I need," Lily was pleading now, tears glistening in her eyes.

"But Lil, I can take care of all of this right now. Really, just one trip to your house and I can make sure he's in no fit state to hurt you again."

"No! Violence isn't the way to answer this. Can't we just try reasoning with him?" Lily's voice was escalating almost to the shouting point.

"Fine... so what do you want to put in the letter?" Severus crossed the room and pulled a sheet of paper and a quill from a drawer.

"I...I want to tell him that I can't take this anymore. If I stay there any longer, something bad is going to wind up happening and that's going to be the end of me. I'll go back one more time to gather my things and that's it," she was shaking so badly it was hard to understand what she was saying, but Severus began writing nonetheless.

"That's a good start," Severus said. "Is there anything else?"

"Well... there's one thing. Maybe..." Lily was very hesitant to talk now. She was choosing her words very careful and Severus knew it. He took her hand, his black eyes boring into her green.

"Lily, you're my best friend. I will do anything to keep you safe and help you. You can trust me with anything." These words were entirely sincere; there was no denying that. Lily shut her eyes for a moment, just feeling his hand in hers. She knew he could trust him with this, her deepest secret, but she wasn't quite sure how to phrase it.

After a minute, she reopened her eyes to find Severus looking at her, face filled with concern.

"Russy, I haven't told this to anyone else."

He nodded to show his understanding.

"I don't know the term for it, since we're married and all, but he came home drunk one night and-," her voice broke off and Lily began crying. Severus rose from his seat and lifted Lily from hers. He carried her to the living room and sat down with her in his lap. She was rocking with the force of her crying, but still she made no noise. Eventually, she stopped. At this point, she repositioned herself so her head was resting on Severus' shoulder, giving him the freedom to reach his wand and cast a fire into the dark coals.

"Are you going to be okay, Lil?" he asked.

"Yeah," she started, still sniffling. "Th-that night, he made me have... h-he made m-me have sex with him."

"No!" Severus exclaimed clutching her tighter. "That's rape, Lil! Whether you're married or not, he _can't_ do that. Do you want to press charges?"

"I know, Russy, but I-I want to keep this quiet. And I haven't told you the worst part yet." Lily buried her face in his neck, squeezing out more tears.

"What is it?" His voice now quavered. Whether he would admit it to her or not, he was scared of what she might say next. He had no idea what could be worse than rape, and he wasn't particularly sure he wanted to find out.

"I'm pregnant," she spat out the words like they tasted foul. "I'm pregnant, and it's his."

"D-does James know?"

"No, Russy. Like I said, I didn't tell _anyone_."

"Lil, I'm really sorry to say it but I think this is something he's going to need to know. Do you want to put it in the letter? Or do you want to tell him when we go to get your stuff?" Severus hated James with a passion. James had put him through so much hell, and now all this was happening with Lily... but even Potter deserved to know that he was going to have a child.

"When _we_ go to get my stuff?" she asked, confused. She hadn't said anything about taking him with her.

"Yeah. You didn't think I'd let you go back there alone did you?"

"I-I guess not. But can we put it in the letter? I don't think I could tell him to his face, and I really don't want you to do it for me."

"Okay," Severus said. He stood, placing Lily in the chair and walked back into the kitchen. Grabbing the unfinished letter and the quill, he took a moment to think about what had just happened. Lily was pregnant. Lily. Was. Pregnant. She had been raped and she was pregnant with James Potter's child.

He strode back to the living room and sat on the floor at Lily's feet. She stared into the fire, seemingly unaware he had returned. She was beautiful, and Severus loved her. Especially now, when he knew she hadn't had someone to care for her properly for so long.

Quickly, he finished the letter and handed it to Lily to read over. "Russy!" she said holding in a laugh, "You can't call him a drunken rat bastard!"

Severus growled. "Fine, but I thought it was a pretty accurate description." Then he took back the letter and changed it. After Lily rejected several insults, this was the final result:

_James, _

_I can't take the way you've been treating me any longer. It's not right and I've finally come to terms with that. You can't hurt me for any reason; I wish I'd realized this sooner._

_For now, I've gone to stay with a friend. Despite your efforts to seperate me from other people, I still have some people willing to take me in. Don't try to find me, please._

_I will be back sometime this week to get my things, and then it is unlikely you will ever see me again. I need to be apart from you, even though recent occurances made me think I would not have the strength and courage to leave._

_At first I didn't want to tell you this, but now I feel it would be best... I am pregnant. I would like to raise the child as my own, especially considering the circumstances it was conceived under. I honestly don't think that you would be a good influence, and I don't want you harming my child as you have me. _

_-Lily_

Severus was quite pleased with the result, and Lily seemed to be too. She would have liked to say more, but that summed up everything she had said. Lily teared up again reading the final draft, but this time she didn't burst out crying.

"Russy," she whispered. "How can I ever thank you for all of this?"

"It's nothing, Lil, really," he replied.

"No, I need to make it up for you somehow," she said stubbornly.

"Well... I might have an idea," Severus started, but then held up.

"Go on, what is it, Russy?" she asked.

"Now wouldn't be a good time for it, okay?"

"Okay...," she said. "But when it is a good time, don't hesitate to ask."

"Alright," he responded, rising from the place he still held by her feet. "How's some lunch sound?"

"Good. Great actually, I'm really hungry." Lily had had a far more eventful morning than she was accustomed too, and the low growl that suddenly emitted from her stomach confirmed that she could use some food.

Together they moved to the kitchen, where Severus opened the window and called out for his owl, Bert. He tied the letter gently to Bert's foot and told him where to go. With this information Bert swooped off, leaving Lily and Severus truly alone.

Severus motioned Lily to the chair they had abandoned earlier, but she shook her head. "I want to help you cook," she said simply.

He couldn't really disagree. He wasn't exactly a chef or anything; he specialized in making canned foods.

And so they set to finding a recipe. Lily shifted through several cookbooks, while going through Severus' cupboards to see what he had for ingredients. Finally, she settled upon spaghetti.

They worked for almost an hour cooking, and Severus absolutely reveled in it. They bumped elbows, their arms brushed against each other, and the warm aroma of their food filled the kitchen. As the meatballs came to a simmer, a slow Muggle song droned from the radio. Severus had his head bent low, adding spices to the meat from the recipe book, when he felt Lily's arms wrap around his waist.

"Let's dance, Russy," she giggled.

"I-I don't know how to dance, Lil," he admitted.

"Well come on! I'll teach you." Lily was all smiles, and he could see something new in those green eyes of hers that he couldn't quite place. She put a hand on his shoulder and grabbed one of his with the other. "Take my waist," she said, and Severus automatically did so.

"Come on... I feel silly," he began, but Lily stopped him.

"No one's here to see us, and I won't judge." He couldn't argue with her, and there was almost no time as Lily began to move.

Their feet easily slipped in with the rhythm from the radio, and Severus was surprised how smoothly it was all going. Almost too quickly, the song ended. They stood, frozen in place, just looking at each other. Neither could believe where they were in that moment, or how they felt. Each marveled at how much they had lost in the last years by not being together, and were esctatic at this second chance.

Reluctantly, Severus moved to take their food from the stove and they sat down to eat. He ate slowly, watching her while she filled her stomach. He loved the way she moved, simple as that. He loved the way her hair fell over her shoulders. He loved the little smile on her face as she lifted her fork.

"Lil..." he started. "Can you do me that favor from before now?"

"Sure, Russy. Anything," Lily said eagerly. She really wanted to make up for everything he had done for her.

"Okay. You trust me right?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Then, just shut your eyes."

"Umm... alright," she said closing them. "Why do I have t-"

But her sentence was broken off, and Severus was kissing Lily. Her eyes flew open, although he was oblivious to this, and once she had relaxed into the kiss they shut again. To Severus, this was the most glorious moment of his life. Her lips were so soft, and he couldn't believe he had never done this before. He was kissing Lily Evans. He was kissing Lily Evans and she was kissing him back.

After a span of time that seemed far too short to Severus, he broke away and looked into those beautiful eyes of hers. "I love you, Lily," he whispered.

"I love you too," she said gently. They sat for a moment gazing into each other's eyes. This was heaven.

But they were torn from their little piece of heaven by a tapping at the window. Bert was back, another letter tied to his leg and one wing bent awkwardly.

Severus moved swiftly to the window and opened it, letting the bird in. He carried Bert to the kitchen table and set him away from their food before offering him some noodles. When Bert seemed content, then Severus took the letter from the leg and broke it's seal.

_'Dear Lily,' _Severus began reading aloud.

* * *

**_Huge props go to 'unnamed visitor' for asking whether or not Harry would be included in this story and inspiring Lily's pregnancy, as well as other reviewers who encouraged me to keep writing. Originally this was just going to be a one shot, but I'm much more satisfied with this and will continue to update as quickly as possible. _**


	4. Strawberries

"Severus, are you sure you want to read that right now?" inquired Lily.

If he was going to be completely honest with himself, the last thing he wanted to do was read James' letter. He wasn't sure how much more he could handle today.. Lily was pregnant, Lily loved him, Lily had kissed him back. No, Severus did not want to read the letter. He wanted to go back to a precious few minutes ago when he had moved in for the kiss. Fully aware he would have plenty of time to dwell on the kiss later (and perhaps do it again) Severus tried to pull himself back to reality, but he found it futile. Couldn't he just have a little time to focus on this? He just wanted to think about the details; like how Lily Evans tasted ever so distinctly like strawberries. It wasn't perfume, or lip gloss, or anything of the sort; it was simply how she was. He loved that. It reminded him of when he was little and he would sneak into the neighbours strawberry patch and steal a few before she came out to water them. She tasted like the brisk air that would blow past him as his spindly legs ran the couple times he came a bit too close to being caught. Ever so faintly, he thought she tasted like antiseptic of a hospital the time he had been landed there for eating too many. You see, Severus was allergic to strawberries, no matter how much he loved them. To him, they symbolized something beautiful and amazing that he knew he couldn't have, something almost forbidden. He supposed this made sense when he thought of it, because that's almost exactly what Lily had been for the majority of his life. Of course, things were a lot different now. Severus was highly considering buying a carton of strawberries next time he went grocery shopping.

At this point he realised he had been staring blankly at the letter for some time, and promptly put it down. "Umm... yeah I don't want to read it right now. After dinner perhaps?" he stammered, trying to regain his composure and failing quite miserably in his own opinion.

"Sounds good," Lily said. "Anything he has to say might ruin our appetites anyway."

Severus nodded and looked back to his plate, not entirely sure he had any desire to finish the mound of pasta left on it at this point, but decided it would be best. Slowly but steadily he made his way through the plate, eating silently so he could think more. Damn, he loved her. Glancing up as he was getting to the last few strands before him, he saw Lily examining him much as he had been doing to her earlier. Quickly looking away so she could keep to her business, he moved his fork to clear the last noodles. But even as he raised them to his mouth he could feel her getting closer to him, inching her way. So gentle he couldn't be sure she was doing it, she placed a hand at the base of his neck and he turned to face her. She was so close to him, and he wanted so badly to kiss her, but he seemed to be frozen in place. He began to wonder how long they would sit like this, centimeters apart but not touching, when she drove that thought clear from his mind.

Lips touched lips as Lily began kissing him. _She started this_ Severus thought. He was right, she had, but that led him into the question _Where did she want this to lead?_ Of course, he didn't have much time to dwell on this as Lily tilted her head and deepened the kiss. Her mouth opened slightly and her tongue darted across Severus' bottom lip, coaxing it to seperate from the top. Their tongues battled for dominance. _I've never done anything like this_ thought Severus, but he didn't stay with this thought long because Lily tasted like strawberries and spaghetti and love. Severus had never known love to have a flavor but this is what it must be.

Any matter of time he spent with Lily; talking to her, dancing with her, _kissing her_; was not nearly long enough for Severus. He knew this was just another example as she broke contact. _Why was she always the one to move away first? _Severus worried. Of course, if he had things his way they would probably never break apart.

"Sorry for that," Lily began. "I just wanted to do that before we read whatever James has written to me in this letter."

_The letter. _Severus had almost forgotten. Not wanting to admit this, he cleared his throat. "Yes, the letter. Do you want to read it or should I?"

"It's probably best if you do, Russy," Lily said.

Severus nodded agreement and picked up the parchment that lay discarded on the far end of his small kitchen table.

_Dear Lily, _he read, _Surely you're being a bit rash in this decision. I mean, I've never ever meant to hurt you. And for the record, you wanted it that night. Don't pretend because we both know the truth; no matter what lies you've fed to your friend. How can you be sure they're even your friend? After all, did they ever come to visit after our wedding? That's right, I didn't think so. Please, Lily, you mean so much to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'll be better, I promise; for you, for me, and for our child. Remember that, no matter how far you run the child is _ours_. _

_Your husband, _

_James_

_P.S. If you insist on keeping with the decision to leave me, you better come get your things whle I'm not here. You know what hours I work; and I don't want to see you again if this is how things are going to be. _

Shock covered her face as Lily stuttered, "I-I didn't l-lie to you, Russy." Tears were welling in her eyes.

Severus snaked a hand on her waist and gave what he hoped came off as a reassuring smile. "I know you didn't, Lil. I believe you."

"I don't know if I can have a child without a dad, Russy. A-and I can't go back to him; he scares me." Lily was trembling quite visibly.

Severus bit his lip in contemplation before speaking, "Well, while I don't believe in these methods, there are ways to avoid having your kid. If you think that's best..." He trailed off as a tear dropped from Lily's left eye.

"No! I couldn't do that before it's even had a chance to live."

"Alright, alright. I was hoping you wouldn't agree to that. You know perfectly nice children can be raised without a father, sometimes a dad is what hurts a child the most." Lily knew Severus was thinking of his own father when he said this, but it still hurt her.

"No, Russy. I get the feeling I can't raise it- I mean him or her- without a father. I'm a mess, just look at me, totally unfit to be a mother."

In his mind, these words were so far from the truth that it actually saddened Severus. "Lil, you are the most capable woman I know. If you really think the kid needs a dad, then I'm certain you'll be able to find one."

He hadn't quite meant for that last bit to slip out, but there wasn't much he could do about it now.

"I don't know..." Lily was still trembling and Severus was giving it his all to avoid just taking her in his arms and going to sit in front of the fire. He had all intentions of doing just that later on, right now they had to talk about this.

"Lily, you don't have that many options. You could go back to James, which I really don't advise, you could get rid of the child, you could raise the child on your own, or you could find another father for it. The only thing is deciding which of those options is best for you."

"I-I can't go back to James, and I can't get rid of the kid; we both know that. After all, no matter how much this it could end up reminding me of James, it'll be like me too, right?" Lily looked sincerely worried as she raised her voice questioningly.

"The only way any kid of yours will be like James is through it's appearance, and that hardly counts for anything," Severus said sincerely. He seriously believed this too; any child of Lily's would be as kind and loving as her, which would overshadow by far however much it might look like James.

"Okay, Russy," Lily started. "But I still don't know what I'm going to do about any of this otherwise."

"Lil," Severus said looking into her eyes, "as long as you know you're going to keep the child and you aren't going back to James, you don't have to decide anything beyond this for now. I stand by what I said, and you can stay with me as long as you like. Now, perhaps it'd be good to get out of the house for a bit."

She gave a slight smile as he cleared the plates and cutlery from the table. It took all of thirty seconds for him to clean them with a wave of his wand and put them in their respective places. Giving a sour look to James' letter which Lily was staring disdainfully at, he took her hand and led her out of the house.

"Thanks," Severus thought he heard her whisper, but he couldn't be sure. Instead of saying it wasn't a problem, which would've made things a bit uncomfortable if she hadn't said anything after all, he just dropped her hand and draped an arm around her shoulder to pull her close.

They stood on his front stoop facing his lawn which was, admittedly, not well taken care of. He walked down the stone pathway leading to the road, and Lily matched his steps. In choosing a home, Severus had taken care to picking a place with not many passerby or neighbours, so they walked freely down the center of the road.

"Where are we going?" Lily asked.

This time Severus was sure he had heard her speak. "I have been meaning to go grocery shopping, if that's alright with you, and then I have another place in mind if you like."

"What's the other place?"

"Well, telling you would just ruin all the fun, wouldn't it?" Severus smiled mischieviously. "Shopping first though, alright?"

"Come on, Russy," she said feinging irritation, but nodding her consent.

With this, he turned on the spot, leaving them standing in an empty, dark alleyway. Severus took his arm from around Lily and motioned for her to follow him. He lead them out of the alley into a rather sunny street, lined with shops. At the end of the street, almost framed by the little stores, was a large super market.

"Russy, would you mind telling me when you took such a liking for shopping and cooking the Muggle way?" Lily questioned.

Really, Severus felt he had to have something interesting about him and that doing something without magic when everyone else did, sufficed. He didn't tell Lily that though. "It's similar to potions, I guess. I think it makes food taste better than casting a bunch of spells over some ingredients."

"Yeah, it does," Lily agreed.

They were quickly approaching the super market, passing stores selling women's clothing. It crossed Severus' mind to stop and buy some things for Lily, but they would go to get her things the next day hopefully. If she said anything about needing clothes that night, he'd transfigure something of his own.

"What are we actually looking to buy today?" Lily said, breaking the small silence.

Severus gave his response a bit of thought before talking. "Oh, just this and that. I think I'm running low on cinnamon, and I'd like to pick up some strawberries."

"But Russy, you're allergic!" she exclaimed. She remembered how worried she had been the day Severus was in the hospital.

"It's fine, Lil. I won't be bothered if I only eat one or two at a time. Besides, I've developed an affinity for them." Severus smiled at this small joke he held with himself. He leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek before they entered the market, with her blushing red.


	5. Shopping and Some Nostalgia

**A/N: I am so extremely sorry for the gap inbetween updates. I've started counseling for depression and I haven't felt up to doing much of anything really. I'm trying, I promise, and I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again. Also, I've gotten a few reviews asking about the origin of Lily's pet name for Severus being 'Russy'. This mainly comes from me reading a load of fanfiction before starting to write this and being overloaded by 'Sev'.**

As Severus and Lily entered the store, it proved to be rather empty. A few shoppers were milling about, and one sales clerk walking by nodded hello to them.

"If you go down to that very last aisle," Severus said gesturing, "and pick up the largest shaker of cinnamon you can find, I'll grab everything else and we can get going a lot quicker. Okay?"

"Alright," said Lily. "But I still don't see why you won't tell me where we're going next."

"It's a surprise," he insisted, turning off towards the produce section. Lily sighed behind him but he heard her footsteps lead away.

When Lily returned, cinnamon in hand, Severus was holding more than just strawberries. He now held a basket filled with sweets and a very large chocolate bar.

"What's all this?" she asked.

"Oh nothing, just thought they'd be nice to have around the house. These are your favorites, right?" Severus inquired, pointing at a bag of butterscotch discs.

"Mm, you would be right," Lily's voice trailed off as she followed Severus' gaze. He stood in front of a book rack and was examining one title in particular.

"Russy, we can't pick that up! Then people will know!" she exclaimed.

"Lil, you're forgetting we're in a Muggle super market. No one here can tell anyone in our world," rationalized Severus.

"Well, I guess it could maybe be good to have."

"Just what I was thinking," he said, sliding _What to Expect When You're Expecting_ into his basket.

They bought their items and walked out into the sunlight. "Can I know where we're going know?" Lily asked.

"Why should I tell you when we're going there now?" Severus took her hand and turned on the spot.

Lily opened her eyes and gasped.

"Do you like your surprise?" Severus said nervously.

"Of course!" She hugged him and then pulled away to closer examine their surroundings. "This place really hasn't changed, has it?"

"Nothing but the people."

Lily was astounded by how familiar the park was after so long. The old tree had a few more dead branches and the stream had dwindled a bit, but everything else was the same. The swingset was just as rusty, the slide seemed just as dangerous with it's randomly welded together parts, and small flowers were still sprouting everywhere. Indeed, the only thing that was obviously different were the people. A set of black-haired triplets were fighting on the stairs of the slide, and a small boy with mousy brown hair was slowly walking towards them.

"Hi, Mr. Snape!" the little boy said, smiling.

"Hi, Max. I've got something for you," Severus replied, pulling the large chocolate bar out of the basket he still held in his hand.

The boy called Max hesitantly reached out to take it. "You really didn't have to Mr. Snape."

"Oh, but I wanted to. How have your parents been lately?" A look of concern covered Severus' face.

"They... they were fighting last night. But it's been worse." Max had averted his eyes and was staring at the ground.

"I'm so sorry to hear that," Severus said frowning.

"It's okay, really." The boy checked his watch. "I-I really have to go now, Mr. Snape. Maybe I'll see you soon?"

"Soon enough, I promise. I'll try and bring you something else too."

"You really don't have too, I've told you that before. But.. if you insist. One more thing," he motioned for Severus to come closer and whispered into his ear. Severus whispered back and rose as the boy ran off.

Lily squeezed Severus' hand and he took his attention from the small boy growing farther away. "What was that last bit?"

"He said you were pretty," Severus smirked.

"And what did you say back?" she asked sincerely.

"I said you were the prettiest girl I know."

Lily blushed, but continued talking. "What about the rest of your little talk?"

"I come here to think," Severus admitted. "One day I found him crying by our tree and I had to ask what was wrong. Turns out his parents are a bit like mine were. I try to visit him once every couple weeks, just to make sure he's still okay."

"That's awfully nice of you," Lily said smiling.

"He reminds me a lot of me, but he doesn't have someone like you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well once I met you, things started getting a lot better for me. But Max, he doesn't have any friends really, so I'm trying to help him as best I can. For him, there's no nice girl living relatively nearby," he explained.

Lily glanced around the park, letting the silence fall between them. In their childhood, their visits to this place had become less and less frequent, especially after he had moved in with her family right before their third year.

"I really am sorry for everything you had to put up with as a kid. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know, Severus said. "But if you think about it, would we have been so close?"

"Probably not."

The silence fell between them again, as they both remembered the events leading up to Severus' moving in.

**A/N: Sorry for the short, low quality chapter but I explained before that things aren't the best for me right now. I'll try to write again soon. Next chapter's a flashback to their childhood. Yay!**


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